NEW

So sorry to switch things up, but I have decided to do something new with my blogging. I have got a new blog up and running at http://sarakristinee.wordpress.com

I'll still be doing the same thing there (which luckily I haven't had a long history to switch over). I just have been looking around at some different things, and I really like the way things are laid out on WordPress. There are more options for what I want to do and where I want to take this. Please start following me over there, and I'll be writing there from now on! :)

Much love,

Sara

Building my Confident Heart

A couple of weeks ago I was able to go on a women's retreat with my church. I was so excited to get away for a couple of days and spend some time with my mom and some dear friends of mine. We had a very special guest speaker who shared her amazing testimony, what God has brought her through and blessed her with in this life. At one point during the first day we had some time to just get by ourselves and have some quiet time with God. We could read, pray, do whatever it was that we needed to do to get that time in that we needed. After this quiet time I decided to check Facebook. As I'm scrolling along I come across a post by Proverbs 31 ministries. They are beginning a new online bible study with a new book called "A Confident Heart." I decided it would be worth looking into because who doesn't want to say they have a confident heart? So I look a little further into what this book is all about, and I come across these words: "Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough, smart enough, or valuable enough?" Well... yeah sometimes. "Do words you say to yourself, or hear from others, make you question your worth and purpose?" Hmm, I guess you could say that. Okay, so I'm hooked. I decide to buy the kindle version of the book so I can have it on my phone and start reading it right away. I start reading it, and the forward is by one of my favorite people, Lysa TerKerst. In short, she basically describes her desperate need for her father's love as a child and his rejection. Because of this, as an adult she was full of insecurities and shame. (Cue tears starting to form in my eyes). As a result, she begins to try to find someone or something to fill this void in her life that would make her feel significant, worthwhile, and secure. She writes,

"It was as if I carried around a little heart shaped cup and held it out to whatever or whomever I perceived might fill it...But the reality is, every single thing the world offers is temporary. No person, possession, profession, or position can ever fill the cup of a wounded, insecure heart-not my heart, not your heart. It's an emptiness only God can fill. Only God can give true confidence."

Surprise

On September 18th I decided to write a letter to my husband. I was in the middle of typing out a "Have I told you today..." text and I stopped and thought about the last time I had hand written him something. We have done that a few times back and forth and haven't  in awhile. So, I decided to revitalize our note writing and take it up a notch and mail him a letter to make it even more special and surprising. Of course, when I publish this he will already have received the letter so to not ruin the surprise since he does read my blog. However, here is the letter that I wrote to my dear husband. (And now that I'm publishing this SO much later, he decided to wait to tell me he received my letter for about a week after he did receive it, and he wrote me and surprised me back.)

My Dearest Jon,

The Past Year

When I first started my blog, I had every intention of making this a regular thing. Kind of like when you were a little girl (if you're a girl) and you started keeping a diary with every intention to write every single day about your life happenings, but life gets in the way and it becomes less and less important to write. Since it has been over a year since I have wrote, it's slightly obvious that life got in the way of me blogging. SO, here I am hoping to get this thing going again. To review this CRAZY year that I have had:

I got engaged October 13, 2012. I turned 23 years old. Christmas happened. New years happened. I got a new job (well same basic job, just at a different bank). I got in a car accident (nothing too serious). My sister graduated High School. I almost graduated college (I walked, but am finishing my last class this semester). I became an alumna of Gamma Phi Beta. My mom and step dad got divorced. I GOT MARRIED ON JUNE 1, 2013!!! I went on the most amazing honeymoon ever. I bought a car. My step son started 1st grade. I started my last semester of college. One of my best friends got engaged. Several other friends have gotten engaged as well.

I am so thankful that God has blessed me so tremendously with this beautiful little life of mine. I have a wonderful, amazing, godly husband who loves me more than I could have ever dreamed someone could. I have an awesome step son who I love more than I ever thought I could love a child that was not my own. I am blessed beyond measure, and I never want to take any of it for granted. Despite some of the negative things that have happened this year, this past year has been the best year of my life so far. I know that God has so much more in store for me and my family, and I hope and pray that we take the time we need to to prepare ourselves for whatever is coming our way.

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the 

Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." - James 1:17

This is my story, oh this is my song...

I like to think I'm a simple girl. I'd like to really believe it. However, as that thought crosses my mind I laugh to myself. Me? Simple? No. Not in the slightest. I mean, is anyone really a simple person anyways? I don't think so. So many of us live our lives trying to be these easy-going, "long hair don't care" kind of people, and maybe it works for a little while. You can't please everyone though. Not for very long. "Count it a blessing if someone doesn't like you, that means you're doing something right." Right, that sounds like a fun time. I found this out the hard way.

I am a people-pleaser. Thankfully, I have toned down a TON over the past year or so. People who say they don't care if people like them are probably lying. Some people probably genuinely don't care, but for the most part I don't believe it's true. Everyone likes the feeling of knowing that they are liked, cared for, or loved. For such a long time I was addicted to the feeling of knowing that people genuinely liked me, liked hanging out with me, or at least tolerated me. Of course, I wouldn't admit to it back then. Eventually though, when I wasn't so easy-going and decided to have a back bone and stand up for what I really believed, I was mostly left alone. There will always be a few people who will always have my back no matter what, alongside my family, because they actually do care.

"The people who you love the most, hurt you the worst." We've all heard that before right? I have. A million times over. I convinced myself that hurt was just a part of "loving" someone. Now, I hate that I let people hurt me time and time again, because I decided I should stick around as long as possible because I "loved" them. Let me tell you something, that is crap. Hear me? Crap. Sure, everyone endures a little heartache in relationships worth having. No one will ever have a perfect relationship because we're a bunch of low-down, dirty, sinful human beings. I have come to find over the past 6-7 years that the more God you have in your life, and especially in your relationships, the less they suck. Seriously though, the times where I was on fire for God and really trying my best to live for him, I was a million times happier. I was doing what I really desired. But then I would let a boyfriend (or ex boyfriend) pull me back down. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. I was basically doing to God what those good-for-nothing relationships did to me. Which I knew, and I hated it.