I like to think I'm a simple girl. I'd like to really believe it. However, as that thought crosses my mind I laugh to myself. Me? Simple? No. Not in the slightest. I mean, is anyone really a simple person anyways? I don't think so. So many of us live our lives trying to be these easy-going, "long hair don't care" kind of people, and maybe it works for a little while. You can't please everyone though. Not for very long. "Count it a blessing if someone doesn't like you, that means you're doing something right." Right, that sounds like a fun time. I found this out the hard way.
I am a people-pleaser. Thankfully, I have toned down a TON over the past year or so. People who say they don't care if people like them are probably lying. Some people probably genuinely don't care, but for the most part I don't believe it's true. Everyone likes the feeling of knowing that they are liked, cared for, or loved. For such a long time I was addicted to the feeling of knowing that people genuinely liked me, liked hanging out with me, or at least tolerated me. Of course, I wouldn't admit to it back then. Eventually though, when I wasn't so easy-going and decided to have a back bone and stand up for what I really believed, I was mostly left alone. There will always be a few people who will always have my back no matter what, alongside my family, because they actually do care.
"The people who you love the most, hurt you the worst." We've all heard that before right? I have. A million times over. I convinced myself that hurt was just a part of "loving" someone. Now, I hate that I let people hurt me time and time again, because I decided I should stick around as long as possible because I "loved" them. Let me tell you something, that is crap. Hear me? Crap. Sure, everyone endures a little heartache in relationships worth having. No one will ever have a perfect relationship because we're a bunch of low-down, dirty, sinful human beings. I have come to find over the past 6-7 years that the more God you have in your life, and especially in your relationships, the less they suck. Seriously though, the times where I was on fire for God and really trying my best to live for him, I was a million times happier. I was doing what I really desired. But then I would let a boyfriend (or ex boyfriend) pull me back down. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. I was basically doing to God what those good-for-nothing relationships did to me. Which I knew, and I hated it.
