Building my Confident Heart

A couple of weeks ago I was able to go on a women's retreat with my church. I was so excited to get away for a couple of days and spend some time with my mom and some dear friends of mine. We had a very special guest speaker who shared her amazing testimony, what God has brought her through and blessed her with in this life. At one point during the first day we had some time to just get by ourselves and have some quiet time with God. We could read, pray, do whatever it was that we needed to do to get that time in that we needed. After this quiet time I decided to check Facebook. As I'm scrolling along I come across a post by Proverbs 31 ministries. They are beginning a new online bible study with a new book called "A Confident Heart." I decided it would be worth looking into because who doesn't want to say they have a confident heart? So I look a little further into what this book is all about, and I come across these words: "Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough, smart enough, or valuable enough?" Well... yeah sometimes. "Do words you say to yourself, or hear from others, make you question your worth and purpose?" Hmm, I guess you could say that. Okay, so I'm hooked. I decide to buy the kindle version of the book so I can have it on my phone and start reading it right away. I start reading it, and the forward is by one of my favorite people, Lysa TerKerst. In short, she basically describes her desperate need for her father's love as a child and his rejection. Because of this, as an adult she was full of insecurities and shame. (Cue tears starting to form in my eyes). As a result, she begins to try to find someone or something to fill this void in her life that would make her feel significant, worthwhile, and secure. She writes,

"It was as if I carried around a little heart shaped cup and held it out to whatever or whomever I perceived might fill it...But the reality is, every single thing the world offers is temporary. No person, possession, profession, or position can ever fill the cup of a wounded, insecure heart-not my heart, not your heart. It's an emptiness only God can fill. Only God can give true confidence."

At this point I'm like on the verge of starting to bawl like a baby, so I'm like okay I obviously need to read this book. So now I have started a list of reasons I do NOT have a confident heart. Number 1: As I have pointed out before, I have a slight "people-pleasing" problem. I want everyone around me to be happy, even if that means I am not. Number 2: A lot of times I don't open up easily, even to my husband (though I am learning every day) because I don't want whoever it is I'm talking with to think how I feel or speak is dumb. Number 3: I am afraid to take virtually any risks because I am a "What if?" kind of person. Number 4: I let the littlest things bother me to the point where I start to question things that I absolutely 100% know that I should never question.

There are probably some more that I will add to the list, but praise the Lord, there is hope. As Lysa continues...

"And how does God give us the gift of His security, fulfillment and confidence? He sends His words like love letters from Heaven to fall fresh on our parched and tired souls. His truth waters us, sustains us, breathes new life into us and remakes us into the women He always intended us to be."

So today I am learning to pray God's promises He has for us.

"Lord I pray that you would give me a confident heart through Christ. Take me beyond believing in You to truly believing You. Help me to rely on the power of Your promises and live like they are true. You say blessed is the one who trusts in You and whose hope and confidence are found in You (Jeremiah 17:7). Those who hope in You will not be disappointed, because You work all things together for good for us who love You and who are called according to Your purpose (Romans 8:28). When self-doubt tells me that I can't overcome my insecurities, I will believe Your promise that all things are possible to whoever believes (Mark 9:23). I will not throw away my confidence, because You say it will be richly rewarded (Hebrews 10:35-36). I will persevere so that when I have done the will of God, I will receive what You have promised. My confidence is in Christ and I am no longer one who shrinks back and is destroyed, but one who believes and is saved (Hebrews 10:39)! In Jesus' name, Amen" - Renee Swope, A Confident Heart

What a powerful prayer! Eventually I will be able to start a list of what makes my heart confident. I am so excited to read through this book and continue to grow in my relationship with God and my wonderful husband through this.

"And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him." 1 John 5:14-15